LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER
why I wake up every morning
I am Ana Maria, born in Romania during the 1980s when it was a communist country. Growing up, people's dreams were limited to mere survival. Despite my modest upbringing, my parents gave my siblings and me the essentials: a safe home, education, and life experiences. However, they had rigid ideas of what a good life meant. To them, it was all about having the basics, getting good grades, graduating with a university degree, finding a good job for life, marrying young, and working hard to live a comfortable life. Comfort and security were their top priorities, and they put strict rules in place for us to follow.
But they never really saw our souls or knew our dreams. We were expected to comply with their expectations, or else there would be severe consequences. As a result, I developed an avoidant attachment style and a people-pleaser persona. Deep inside, my soul was hurting, but I had to agree to follow the rules while finding ways to do things my way.
By the age of 27, I had already accomplished so much in terms of education and career. I had already graduated with two Bachelor's degrees (one in Psychology, and one in Special Education, a Master's degree in Inclusive Education, and I was already teaching children with autism and mental disability for 5 years.
By all standards, I was on the right track to fulfilling the Romanian dream, yet I felt empty inside. I was depressed, unhappy, and unsettled. Something in my life was missing.
The death of the love of my life, with whom I had planned to start a family, was the final straw that made me realize I needed a change. So, I left Romania and moved to Canada alone, starting from scratch. None of my degrees were recognized, and I took a job as a live-in caregiver.
It was there that I found the space to reconnect with myself, peeling off the layers of opinions, social norms, and expectations that had been imposed on me. But as I began to reconnect with myself, and I rediscovered my true essence, I felt an electric surge of vitality coursing through my veins. The world around me came alive with colors and light, and every moment felt purposeful and meaningful.
It was like I had reclaimed a birthright that had been taken from me, long ago by those who had tried to mold me into someone I was not. With this newfound sense of clarity and purpose, I set out to reinvent my life from scratch.
It took me 11 years of hard work to reach where I am now, a place where I am no longer afraid to show up as my true self. I don't have to rely on a people-pleasing persona to get love and acceptance from others.
The introduction of psychedelics in my life in 2017 was a turning point, shifting my understanding of the human psyche and my inner world from an intellectual level to embodied wisdom. This inner journey allowed me to fully self-express and expand, striving to achieve my full potential as a soul embodying my life form.
We are multidimensional beings with a unique life print in this reality, and our purpose is to know ourselves fully and bring more of who we are into this world. Life loves us so much that it wants to experience itself through us. So, let it flow!
The purpose of healing is to play and create again, living in childlike wonder at the miracle that life is.
My mission is to inspire and empower YOU to live according to your true essence, shedding all the conditioning that has programmed you and aligning your mind, body, and heart into a full expression of yourself. You have the freedom to live as you desire, show up as it feels aligned, and create the life you want.
And it starts here, with you asking the question: Why life loved me so much to bring me into the experience I am currently living?
Things I've created
I've been a GUEST
As a writer
As a retreat and event planner
MY MICRODOSING JOURNEY
Learning about Microdosing Psychedelics
Mid last year, I started learning about microdosing. I stumbled upon the concept while researching the different ways in which people use psychedelics. Immediately it captured my attention with its innumerable reported benefits including better focus, tapping into your creativity, and boosting your liveliness. I felt it was just what I needed as I was transitioning into a new role at work, where creative work was balanced with analytical tasks. I had found it difficult to switch from one mode to the other, often finding myself unproductive and unfocused. Microdosing psychedelics sounded like a great solution. Unlike many, I wasn’t scared of psychedelics and I was eager to experience their insightful effects more often than just once every few months. So I set about my research, having questions like:
How much should I take?
When should I dose?
How often should I dose?
What type of psychedelics should I microdose with?
What are the benefits of microdosing psychedelics?
What are the long-term effects?
Are there any side effects associated with microdosing?
The sheer amount of information I found on the internet was overwhelming and, at times, contradictory. After plowing through a multitude of articles, I was finally able to draw some conclusions, feeling that I had developed a good idea of what I was doing. My second challenge was to find a source for these “microdosing kits” that I kept hearing about on the internet. I had no idea what they should look like or how to get my hands on one. My strategy was to ask everyone I knew about this newfound curiosity of mine until I found someone who could help me source my microdoses. Soon enough, while sharing my desire and determination to find microdosing kits at a house party, a random person said they had a source, and I ordered my kit right away!
My First Time Microdosing
Arriving at the office at 9 AM, I decided it was the best time to take my microdose as I knew that I’d start enjoying the benefits half an hour later. As I sat at my desk to tackle my to-do list, I knew the time was right. I was excited, a little nervous, and also curious to see what microdosing would bring to my day.
Oh my, the unexpected! I started feeling a bit uneasy, light-headed, nauseous, and somewhat unfocused. I kept telling myself that it would go away, but as the day progressed, I developed a headache and felt myself getting tired intermittently, feeling both famished and thirsty. I was not productive, nor able to be fully present, and my mood was lower than average. As time went on, my emotions seemed to spiral out of control.
My rookie mistakes
As you know by now, my first microdosing experience was rather unpleasant, and for most people that would be enough of a reason to not try it again. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about all these amazing benefits that I had read about, and I knew that I was missing something.
After a lot more research and consulting with others who had microdosed before, I learned that I had inevitably made some rookie mistakes. In my failure, I learned many important lessons that I wish I’d known about before. One of the first things that I learned was that my microdose was not actually “micro” and that everyone has a different threshold for substances.
One of the first things I learned was that my microdose was too high and in fact, everyone has a different threshold for their microdose. Secondly, I realized that there should be more intentionality in a microodosing practice. You shouldn’t mindlessly take a microdose on your way to work. Psychedelics are powerful substances that should be approached with reverence and it’s important to remind yourself why are you taking them.
Another crucial realization was that microdosing couples well with meditative practice and grounding techniques. Namely, in that psychedelics are not numbing agents, and they put you in contact with the full spectrum of your emotion. They can bring to the surface emotions we are trying to escape from. Learning how to be in touch with yourself and how to ground yourself when emotions start to surface inwardly is essential.